peripheral vision

So last Friday, the opening of Revealing Spaces, was pretty great. The Baby Who Hates The Car didn’t scream as much as usual in the two-hour car ride to my parents’ place. But when we arrived, I realized I’d forgotten the outfit I was planning to wear. That sucked. The few other clothes I’d brought were decidedly weekend at the farm clothes, not suitable for an opening of my work. My mom and I went out to the little second-hand shop in the teensy tiny village two miles from my parents’ in the hopes that might have a better shirt for me to wear. But as luck would have it, not only did I find a shirt, I found a whole outfit, including a cute vintagey mint blazer and snazzy shoes, all of which fit me perfectly. All for about $30. And it was WAY snazzier than what I was planning to wear. How crazy is that?

Here are a few photos:

Here I am speaking, with Curator Sonya Jones in the background. Apparently I was very hard to hear. Ah well.

Anyways, I don’t think I made an ass of myself at the opening, my work looked great, if I do say so myself, and the whole show overall was pretty great. The Durham Region Roller Derby League had a table there, which I thought was pretty great since I hadn’t actually had any contact with them yet myself. It felt legitimizing somehow. The highlight of the evening for me was when Kiss My Ashlinn’s daughter introduced herself to me. I was honoured she came out. Kiss My Ashlinn died in April of this year, just a few months after I photographed her. Today, the RMG blog posted some of my reflections on her.

I’d like to speak at the opening of Revealing Spaces this Friday. But I’m drawing a complete blank as to what to talk about specifically (obviously, I’ll talk about Yes these bones shall live, but exactly what angle?). I could talk for hours (and have done) about the project, what it means to me, why I’m doing it, what I’m learning from it and from the women I meet through it, how I do it, etc., etc. At the opening for Hard Knocks last year, it was easy: the curator used a question and answer format, so I only had to answer the questions.

So it occurred to me, maybe I could ask the audience for questions. But that’s always risky, because nobody cares enough to ask. So then I thought, why not ask here? I don’t know if anyone is still reading, but if you are, would you mind sharing with me what makes you curious about my roller derby project? Any burning questions about the series? Anything at all?

This summer my work will be in two shows. Tonight is the opening for Insights, a juried exhibition at the Wellington County Museum, from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. When I dropped off my two pieces a week or so ago, there was a ton of work, and it was all good so I have high expectations for the show. I’m looking forward to tonight’s opening, and would love to see some familiar faces if you’re up for it.

But my big excitement is a show at the Robert McLaughlin Gallery in Oshawa, ON. Called Revealing Spaces, the show features the work of three Durham Region artists (I grew up in the region and still visit my parents there regularly.)

I have nine pieces in it, all from Yes These Bones Shall Live. The show has been in the works for a long time so I can’t wait to see it and meet the other artists. I hope to post the curator’s essay here or a link to it when it’s available. (It was SUCH an ego trip reading someone’s thoughtful analysis of my work.) The opening is on Friday, July 6. I know it’s a trek for most people I know, but I thought I’d mention it anyways in case you’re in the area.

I am shocked and sad that Adrienne Rich has died. I don’t really know what more to say about that, but I feel a connection with her. When I requested permission from her publisher to include one of her poems from “An Atlas of the Difficult World,” in Two-Powered, they sent my manuscript to her for her to decide. I was terrified and giddy when I read the notification. I’d thought the publisher would make its own decision, and that it would likely reject me flat out. While I waited I obsessed between extremes: “My work was crap – of course she’d hate it! But she wrote a book called Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Institution and Experience – surely she’d connect with my book!” Back and forth I went until I got an envelope in the mail from the publisher. I still feel so honoured that she agreed to have her poem be part of my wee, self-published book. I guess she must have seen at least some kernel of… something, authenticity at least?

I only actually read her Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Institution and Experience last fall. I mostly read it when my oldest was in school and the baby had tummy time (unfortunately he started crawling way too early for that to continue for long). I marked passages I wanted to share here, but I didn’t get around to writing about it and I had to return the book to the library long ago. It remains perfectly relevant to my experience as a young mother today, and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in reading or art about motherhood.

Anyways, today I am sad. I’ll leave you with my favourite part of the poem:

I know
you are reading this poem through your failing sight, the thick
lens enlarging these letters beyond all meaning yet you read on
because even the alphabet is precious.
I know you are reading this poem as you pace beside the stove
warming milk, a crying child on your shoulder, a book in your
hand
because life is short and you too are thirsty.
I know you are reading this poem which is not in your language
guessing at some words while others keep you reading
and I want to know which words they are.
I know you are reading this poem listening for something, torn
between bitterness and hope
turning back once again to the task you cannot refuse.
I know you are reading this poem because there is nothing else
left to read
there where you have landed, stripped as you are.

So I’m a little afraid to say it, but 2011 was awfully good to me. Sure there were disappointments (I’m not going to list all the exhibitions, contests and whatnot that didn’t pick my work, but there were many) and challenges (for example, I couldn’t eat any dairy at Christmas – wah!). But, on the whole, it was a pretty magical year. I had a baby AND a great birth experience. I met some wonderful new people and got to know others better. I made good progress on Yes these bones shall live before I birthed the baby, and some slower progress on it towards the end of the year. I’m starting to feel like the main purpose of the project is the conversations I have with these women, who I might not otherwise meet. And even if I did meet them, if it weren’t for the project, our conversations wouldn’t get so deep. I think every single one is a teacher for me; my perspective and learning are widened with every single woman, although some conversations reverberate in my mind for longer than others. I’m STILL thinking about stuff I talked about with people I photographed right at the start of the project in the summer of 2010.

Here is Kiss My Ashlinn, who I photographed just before Christmas.

In 2011, I was also named a Critical Mass finalist AND a Flash Forward Emerging Photographer. I had a two-person exhibition in a public gallery, and I learned so much about hanging artwork. I got to see one of my prints get auctioned off at a live auction, AND it went for a good price. I got to see my work in THREE printed books: The M Word: Real Mothers in Contemporary Art, Foam Magazine’s Book of Beds and Flash Forward 2011. I received my copy of The M Word in September, I think, and immediately started reading it during the baby’s tummy time. My plan was to read it cover to cover and do a semi, totally-biased book review. But these days I seem to read books like I browse the web, and I had at least four other books on the go and maybe finished one of them, and then I got more and more books from various libraries, and now The M Word is near the bottom of the pile somehow. I did get about halfway through, I think, I can say with confidence that the depth of this book is impressive. If you want to explore the history of motherhood in feminist art, this may be THE book on the subject. And I can’t believe my work is in it. Having said that, a lot of the early feminist art dealing with motherhood was WAY too heavy in psychoanalytic theory for my taste.

And Flash Forward 2011? Also amazing to be included. I remember when I first discovered the Flash Forward photographers. It was January 2009, I think, and I saw the 2008 Flash Forward book at Chapters of all places. So I bought it, and as I flipped through the very accomplished and diverse imagery, I thought to myself, “Wow, these photographers have really Made It.” And now here I am, in it, and no, I haven’t Made It. And yet it’s a beautiful book, and paging through it, I was impressed with how the images all flowed. I felt like I was being taken on a visual journey, not paging through a catalogue, and I thought the editor must have sequenced the images for flow rather than alphabetically by photographer’s name. But when I actually looked at the photographers’ names, I discovered they did in fact sequence it alphabetically and by country. So the fact that it flowed so well is a tremendous accomplishment for all involved in producing the book.

For 2012, I have a few goals. First is to keep shooting. Especially since I’m going to be in a big three-person show at the Robert McLaughlin Gallery this summer. Second is to develop a proposal for a solo exhibition of Yes these bones shall live. Ideally, I’ll even secure space before the end of the year (not to show it before the end of the year, but to have the space secured), but that depends on other people, and I hate making goals that depend on other people. Third is to maybe finish the series by the end of the year. But if I get to the end of the year, and I want to keep meeting and learning from these fascinating women, then I totally give myself permission not to finish (spoken like a true ENFP).

Personally, I want to learn how to make, grow, repair and barter for more, and buy or hire less. I want to do things I’ve never done before; not necessarily big things, just small, mildly uncomfortable, destabilizing things. So far, I’ve roasted a chicken, made stock from its carcass, made cinnamon buns (also my first time making yeasted bread at all), and made a card by cutting out construction paper. I have never done any of these before, and while none of the results were perfect, they were all enjoyable. This is life.

So what are your hopes for the New Year?

I forgot to mention in my last post some good news I’ve recently received. The first was that some of my images were included in the group exhibition of F-Stop Magazine Issue 48 Relations.

The second is that I was named a finalist in Photolucida’s Critical Mass. This is a really interesting program that I think is great. You first pay an entry fee to go to the prescreening jury. This year, there were 20+ people on the prescreening jury. The jury chooses the top 20o finalists, whose work is then sent to an international jury of more than 200 jurors: photo editors, curators, publishers, gallery owners and other people involved in the industry. You pay an additional fee of $200 if you’re a finalist, but your work gets seen by a lot of people. This jury chooses the top 50, who I guess are the winners. A travelling exhibition is created from their work, and at least one of them wins a book award. So it’s less a competition and more a vehicle to get your work seen by the industry. What I like about the program is that you get something for your entry fee: everybody who enters gets a CD of all the entries and they also receive the final book(s) from the book award winner(s).

I entered in 2009. I didn’t become a finalist, and when I saw the CD, I saw why. So much of the submitted work was really great. It was inspiring to get to see it, and I learned a lot from that CD. I also felt quite vindicated when several of my favourites from the CD became part of the Top 50. (Dorothy Deiss, Jessica Todd Harper, Sarah Malakoff, and Rania Matar, I’m looking at you. And while I’m on the subject, if you’re at all interested in motherhood and/or the domestic in photography you really must check out Jessica Todd Harper’s work – it is absolutely stunning.) As well, I received the two books that were produced that year: Alejandro Cartagena’s Suburbia Mexicana and Birthe Piontek’s The Idea of North, which I’m particularly fond of.

Anyways, I’m so stoked to be a finalist.

So this whole, could give birth at any time thing is a bit of a head trip. My due date is Saturday, but technically the baby could have come any time in the last two and a half weeks or the next two and a half weeks. I’m pretty comfortable, but tired, so my days are more boring and way less productive than I’d planned for. When I was this pregnant with my son, I was going for walks and baking (and eating) cookies and cooking and freezing dinners. So far I’ve done pretty much none of that. Oh well.

Here are the last few pictures I made for my derby girls project. I hope to pick it back up again in a few months. In the meantime, I’ll turn my thinking to editing and how to integrate the other elements I’ve been collecting along the way (interiors, objects, notes and documents from the women).

You may remember Dodge Swinger from when I first started publishing pictures from this series. (You can actually see my first print of her up her shelf, framed.) Anyways, she had a baby since then, as you can see. I was supposed to photograph her when she was heavily pregnant in February, but Ada decided to come 10 weeks early at the end of January, so I lost my chance.

Now for a little self-promotion… I mentioned ages and ages ago that my work was going to be included in a book called The M Word: Real Mothers in Contemporary Art. It was scheduled to be available last fall, but production has been delayed. I understand it’s finally printing now, so if you’re interested in feminist art, you should order it now. I’m so delighted to have my work included in it.

Also, Foam Magazine just produced A Book of Beds, which is for sale online. It includes two of my images from Where will I spend my happy days?

I’m one of the 2011 Flash Forward winners!

Over the years, Flash Forward has selected great photographers to be part of its annual book and exhibition – people like Donald Weber, Laura Pannack and Katrina d’Autremont, whose work I adore. This year’s list of winners has tremendous talent on it again (Ben Roberts, Kurt Tong and Matt Eich to name just a few), so I’m delighted and amazed to be on it too.

I don’t know if anyone’s interested, but here are some installation shots from my show. It’s still up until May 2 at the Elora Centre for the Arts. (Ok, I promise to stop beating the dead horse now.)

Here is some of Sophie Hogan’s beautiful work. I think our two bodies of work talked to each other in interesting ways.

Thursday’s opening of my and Sophie’s show was really great. We had a great turnout, a number of derby girls showed up, and I didn’t make an ass of myself talking about my work.

Em Pale, me, Leigh-zzie Borden and Inna’Goddesss Da-Vida – and the top of my son’s head

The curator, Phil Irish, did a sort of interview format for the artist talks, which made it really easy for me, and I suspect more engaging for the audience. I just had to answer his questions. Once upon a time, I hated talking about my work. Although I make my living with words, there’s a reason I make images; there’s something I’m trying to express that I can’t find the words for. I discovered on Thursday that now I really like talking about my work. Partly it’s experience: I have a better understanding of my own work and what’s going on in it. But it’s also partly practice. My process for this project is that I first meet the derby girl in her home. I scope out the space and light and get to know her a bit. I also tell her all about my project, why I started, what I’m hoping to do with it, things that I’m thinking about. It’s interesting because I’m coming up on a year since I started the project, and my thinking has changed and deepened over the course of the experience. I’m really starting to get the value of working on a project long-term. Your thinking changes and refines but you still have the early pictures, which may or may not fit with your later thinking.

me talking

(I just got my hair shorn off a coupla weeks ago, and my son mostly clung to my leg while I talked. I think he was kinda proud of me. Have I mentioned I’m pregnant? I think the belly has become quite unmistakable.)

As well, both Sophie’s work and mine look pretty great on the wall, if I do say so myself. It’s so interesting that we’ve pursued our projects completely independently, but putting the work in the same room really creates a dialogue.

I didn’t really take enough pictures. I’ll have to go back and get proper installation shots another time. But the show is up until May 1 if you want to spend a bit of time in the charming village of Elora.

gratuitous kid shot

I also have to say my son was AWESOME. We stayed until 10 pm and he behaved well the whole time. Even though for the last hour he kept asking me when we could go home, and I kept telling him, soon. Finally he says, “When’s soon going to be over?!” But no meltdowns.