peripheral vision

So it’s the start of a New Year. I’m not sure what to make of 2010. My first impulse was that it was a fantastic year — and it was, photographically, especially towards the end. I won a prize at RMG Exposed (which I didn’t get around to mentioning here, although I did tweet about it) and I’ve been invited to participate in a three-person show at the Robert McLaughlin Gallery in summer 2012. I’m also going to be in a two-person show at the Elora Arts Centre this March. I made good progress on a project that brings me into the homes of intriguing women. And of course, I got to meet and hang out with and learn from Alec Soth for five days in May! That was probably the highlight of the year.

But then I started to remember the disappointments. The disillusionment and disappointment of our trip to South Africa — even though, granted, nothing really bad happened. The first half of the year I was a big anger ball, especially at my day job, though it spilled over into the rest of my life. In July we almost bought a house in our favourite part of downtown, but then the deal fell through and our current house didn’t sell anyways, and we couldn’t find anything else that interested us in our price range. In August I fell into a mildish depression, likely a combination of burnout from the first part of the year and disappointment that we weren’t moving forward on plans that could support future life changes. My day job got better in September with a series of projects that were big enough for me to get my teeth into but finished in a few weeks each so I could feel a sense of accomplishment. And I got pregnant, which is good, even if I did feel poisoned by the little parasite until very recently. And of course, it’s also scary as hell, given that my son didn’t sleep for five hours straight until he was 17 months old, and then it was just occasionally. I’m not even exaggerating.

So… 2010. I have friends for whom the year was much, much worse to them, so I’m not really complaining. But there’s definitely significant room for improvement for 2011 (please let it include a baby who sleeps well). Photography-wise, my goal for this year is to keep shooting. My goal for 2010 was to finish a project, and I’m not sure I really achieved that, although I did close the project with John. At any rate, I’m not troubled by that anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if the derby girls keep me busy and engaged beyond 2011.

This morning I photographed a derby girl for the first time since early October. It felt good. This is Vixcyn and her family:

So how was 2010 for you and what are you hoping for from 2011?

I’ve photographed a few more derby girls.

This is Kim Scarsmashian. She also injured herself badly just before I went to visit her:

I tried something different with Spunky Rooster and her new husband:

This is Baroness von Spike:

Most of the women I’ve photographed so far in my derby project have belonged to the Venus Fly Tramps. Except for Greta Garbage and Blister Sister. Greta Garbage belongs to the Vicious Dishes, which is with the same league as the Venus Fly Tramps, and Blister Sister is with the fledgling league in my own town. This is Blister Sister (I don’t think you’ve seen her before).

Last night was the last bout of the season for both the Venus Fly Tramps and the Vicious Dishes – it was a double header. In an effort to see if more derby girls were interested in participating in my project, I decided to host a little mini exhibition in the lobby of the arena. It also gave me a deadline for making prints, and I was keen to see my work in print. Here are some installation shots:

Oh look! There’s Blister Sister standing in front of her picture:

I spent the week obsessing over how to hang unframed prints on the wall surfaces without damaging the prints that when I finally found a solution Saturday morning, I panicked. People would see my work! Large! They might mock me!

Of course, I needn’t have worried. By all accounts, it was a rousing success. It was VERY satisfying to see my work on the walls, I’ve got names of a bunch more women to photograph, and my son had a blast holding court with so many new people.

Here he is looking like a pirate.

He also enjoyed the bout. “I want you to do roller derby!” he said. The only thing that could have made the night better was if the Tramps had won. They played a great game and were even in the lead in the second half, but they lost to one insane jam by the other team. We had to leave before the Vicious Dishes’ game to get the lad to bed, but I heard this morning they won, completing their second undefeated season.

On Monday night I went to Greta Garbage’s home. I think this is my favourite shot:

But I’m also pretty fond of these:

She’s studying woodworking at college, and she actually made that cabinet on the right. With her own hands.

A couple weeks ago, I went to Gunmoll Mindy’s home.

I swear, people’s pets are SUCH prima donnas. They always want to be in the shot. Most of the time I let them, although more often than not they’re right on the edge of the frame, just an unidentifiable lump of fur. So I say all the way in or all the way out.

Someone asked me the other day what the families of the derby girls think of my project. I leave it up to the derby girl who they want to participate. Sometimes they leave it up to their family members… anyways, I have to say pretty much everyone has been totally open and willing. I have gotten the sense occasionally, that the family members aren’t exactly excited to be involved, but I haven’t encountered any resistance.

* * *

I’ve been feeling pretty raw for most of the week. I seem to be taking the world’s wrongs almost personally. And I’m getting SO sick of the unintentional argument. That if you didn’t intend to exclude or insult some demographic or individual, it’s ok. You just need to apologize and be done with it, and don’t worry about, you know, actually CHANGING your behaviour in the future or becoming more aware of your prejudices.

* * *

On the plus side, I finally submitted work to a competition. I’ve had all kinds of calls for entry marked in my calendar all summer long. But every time the deadline comes I decide all my work sucks and it would just be a waste of my money to submit. I was probably right, but I do think the process of submitting is good for my work, because it forces me to edit my work, write or refine my statement about it, and think about what works and what doesn’t work in it. If I didn’t have deadlines I probably would never get around to it, because I much prefer the early stages of a project when it’s all ideas and optimism. I also like having the possibility of winning to look forward; it’s kind of like buying a lottery ticket that way.

* * *

Last night we found a bird’s nest by the side of the road. It had someone’s (ours?) laundry lint incorporated into its roundness.

Today I went to Karyn’s house (aka Inna’Goddess Da-vida) to photograph her and her lovely family (and their awesome home!) for my project. I fear I didn’t do them justice.

(She plays the piano for her church. She was actually playing when I shot this, a beautiful piece that made me wish I’d brought my audio recorder.)

Earlier, she sent me something she wrote about herself, and especially about the last five years for her. I love what she wrote about, so I’m sharing it here with her blessing:

I think I’m must be on some kind of metamorphosis kick; speeding-towards-menopause with some life-infusing reckless stops along the way…

“I turned 45 this month. I’ve been married nearly 25 years to a supportive, laid-back guy who sells books and makes me laugh and loves me like crazy, even when I go crazy. Birthed and raised two pretty fantastic, independent, creative, fun loving intelligent man-children ages 22 and almost 20. I like to think I was a pretty good self-sacrificing; attachment-parenting, kids-got-the-lime-light kind of mom…put some dreams on hold while the man went to grad school, blah blah blah…All in all, it’s been pretty good.   Oh, I’m a Mennonite church lady…I play piano, sing,  and do leadership stuff at church when asked and I get something out of it, too, most of the time. I do it because I can, and it’s not too stressful. For money, I am a 10 yr veteran child protection worker.  Stressful, but sometimes I make a difference. I do like people most of the time and usually can see the good.

At 38 I decided never, ever to dye my hair. [My family] greys early.
At 40 I lost 50 pounds. At 41 I had a breast reduction…I started to RUN – 5k, 8k…10k!
At 42 my best friend tried to end her life but accidentally pressed “send” in a goodbye email to me, and then we found her.  Alive. At 42 I started therapy.  Big time.  And I got a personal trainer.
At 42 I bought some roller skates and joined a roller derby team – talk about physical empowerment, and – holy shit, can we drink!! Sweat, bruises, and no more free time, but another awesome reason to exist. Beautiful, real, new friends and a demanding, punishing, unique sport requiring everything I could give.
At 43 got dreadlocks and smoked pot for the very first time in my life (don’t tell my mom).
At 44 I took a three month stress leave from the heaviness of child protection and after a few weeks of hiding under the covers, began to further evaluate life, self acceptance, the meaning of empty-nested motherhood. I started checking in with some feelings that I’ve been ignoring for a long time, and went about the business of deciding what to do with a sometimes soul-sucking job and with the rest of my life….
At 44 I decided I was going to pursue the career that has been beckoning me from the other side of the risk-river: Midwifery – and made a plan to get that started during my 45th or -6th year.
At 44 I ran a half marathon and even beat some of the speed walkers.
And, at 44 I finally got my vintage-y colourful bird/mixed flower tattoo that symbolizes both nothing and everything…it’s just a part of me.  The bird on my front perches over my heart…it’s a sparrow – a bird known for being common, flitting-ly gregarious and it mates for life – it is singing it’s little heart out, just givin’ er.  The second sparrow on my back is literally taking off into flight (or maybe landing?)…no regrets, bravely, not looking back.  All drawn together by a collage of flowers -experiences/beauty/people in my life.  My tattoo artist is a woman, and the process of getting this extensive tattoo was a really wonderful experience.

So, what’s the sum of it all? To be mother of men, roller derbying, grey dread headed, churchy, tattooed, more honest-than-I’ve-ever-been-before midwife wannabe… ?
I am loving becoming more defined yet less definable.  Less invisible, yet needing the lime-light less.  Less serious yet more determined. Responsible, yet hopefully spontaneously responsive to the world around me. Faith-ful yet Open.  Working on it, anyway.”

While I was there, I think I may have discovered the title for this series:

Yes, these bones shall live.

It’s from a passage of the book of Ezekiel, and somehow it’s gotten embedded into Karyn’s word template or settings or something. So it popped up, and it called to me as soon as I saw it. I guess I’ll live with it for a bit as a working title, and see if it sticks.

I’m having so much fun with this project, I want to post more photos… I love these women.

Leighzzie Borden

Deadly Jenzyme

Teargas Tamara

Dodge Swinger

Today I experienced something I haven’t felt in — well, I don’t even know how long: boredom. I’m not always excited by everything I do, but I usually have a big To Do list that I only make dents on, so I’m constantly thinking of the next thing to get done. But this afternoon, I had nothing To Do. It was weird. And nice. I definitely think it’s a sign of some kind of progress.

I’ve been working on a new project involving derby girls. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here, but I’m pretty excited. I still have lots of work to do, and I don’t know how it will end up, but I have a solid method and I think a good idea. Here are a few early images of #66, Em Pale. I fell in love with her and her family while I was at her house, and I’m gonna have a really hard time choosing which image to use, but here are the current frontrunners:

I’ve also found it fascinating that in all five of the women’s houses I’ve gone so far, in every single one of them, there is some kind of reference to gender. The proof:

I’ll be interested to see if that continues with the other women I photograph. By the way, if you’re a derby girl or if you know one in my area, I am looking for more participants. Please email me at kate (at) peripheralvision (dot) ca.

Ever since I got back from South Africa, I’ve been feeling pretty dissatisfied with the work I shot there. The workshop with Alec Soth unlocked what I think was at the root of that dissatisfaction. So since then, I’ve been working on the images and the edit, and I think I finally have something I’m happy with. So I’ve made a new gallery here. As always, I’d love critique if anyone cares to offer it.

This week I also learned that Jodi Bieber has a new book coming out about Soweto. I haven’t pre-ordered yet (I absolutely have to get Mikhael Subotzky’s Beaufort West first), but I’m pretty keen to get my hands on it.

Spring cleaning at my parents’ house has a slightly different angle from other houses. Every spring the windows of their house get covered with ladybugs, so they have to vaccuum up the carcasses every day for a couple of weeks in the spring. I made this picture on Easter weekend this year.

On Friday morning, I met a woman named Maria. Here is the result:

(Fingers crossed it doesn’t break my blog.) It’s my first time editing audio and sequencing with images, so apologies for all the roughness. I used Audacity for the audio, and iMovie for putting it all together, and if you have any suggestions for how to do it better, I’m all ears (and eyes). And ultimately, I think I just had more audio than visual material, but I didn’t feel I could cut a major portion out. Maybe in time I will feel differently…